Issei vs the Dead Presidents: A Survival Horror Story
by ScriptGenius12
Summary: After a summoning contract sends him to the year 2004, Issei must team up with President George Bush to defeat the restless spirits that are attacking the White House. Later, Kiba deals with some Western Gangsters that want a piece of his territory.
1. Chapter 1: War on Terror!

Issei vs The Dead Presidents: Part 1

XXX

 **NOW**

Ever since his confrontation at the church with Raynare, Issei's life had been sort of weird.

Now, as he ran through the halls of the White House fleeing for his life, he wondered how the hell he was going to explain this to Rias.

If he could find her.

Being sent back to the past tended to do that.

XXX

 **THEN**

One of the summoning contracts Rias had given him had started to flash red with a sudden urgency, and then, with a bright blast of light, he was sent to a far away place.

Blinking as he re balanced himself, Issei found himself face to face with George Bush, former President of the United States.

Issei looked around in awe, realizing that he was in the middle of the Oval Office, he saw the calendar on the other side of the room.

The year was 2004.

As Issei tried to process this horrifying revelation, George started to jump up and down.

"Oh, it's horrible the White House is under attack! The secret Lockdown was activated, (At this point, Issei saw that there were bars over the windows), but I wasn't able to escape in time, and now they're coming for me!"

Issei blinked in surprise "Who's coming for you-nevermind, how did you even summon me?"

Bush waved his hand, "It was an old paper my Pa got for me, in case things went bad. He never told me where he got it. As for the bad guys-NOOOO!" Bush said as he jumped behind Issei and held onto him in fright. "What-" He was interrupted by the sound of thundering footsteps.

A large, pale, transparent fist forced itself through the wall behind them. A grinning face peered in.

"Heeerrrrrrrree's Tricky Dicky!"

The ghost of Richard Nixon had arrived

XXX

Issei realized that he was having a shittier day than usual.

First, he had been transported to the year 2004.

Next, he had to protect American President George Bush without screwing up the timeline.

Finally, he was in the Oval Office. On the other side of a wall, the pale ghost of Richard Nixon was ripping said wall open in an attempt to get into the room. Issei turned to Bush. Both had a panicked look in their eyes. "Why is he after you Mr. President?" the boy said. "I'd ask them myself, but I think they are too busy geisting after me to answer!" The President bushismed. Issei blinked. "Wait, them? As in more than two ghosts? Motherfucker, where are they-" He got his answer when he looked outside the window. His last vestiges of hope vanished at the chaos unfolding.

XXX

On the grounds below, chaos reigned.

The pale, transparent ghost of Abraham Lincoln was taking on the US military, and he was winning.

Flipping up into the air, ghost Lincoln landed in a massive group of fifty marines. They fired upon the specter. Lashing out with his biceps. Lincoln deflected hundreds of shots, striking buildings and knocking down 15 soldiers. He than rushed at the remaining men, kicking and punching like a goddamn ninja. Grabbing onto one soldiers leg, he swung the man around like a flail, using him to smash his comrades away.

He kept doing this until his living, screaming mace was salsa. After he discarded the mass of blood and bone chunks, he grabbed a charging shotgunner and threw him over his head. The unfortunate man landed on a hot dog stand behind the house.

The last surviving marine swung a machete at him, only for Lincoln to grab it. He bit down onto the blade, snapping it in half. As the terrified man backed away, Lincoln lashed out with a roundhouse kick, sending the solider flying fifty feet back. Luckily, he fell into a mattress store, breaking his fall. The same could not be said for the other marines, who had been sent to an early grave.

"I didn't know Lincoln was a kung fu warrior! Maybe I would have actually paid attention to American History more!" Issei said, awestruck.

"He's fast as lightning!" Bush said, looking on in shock as Lincoln ran at a new group of marines. Lincoln went into a flying kick. Like a human cannonball, the undead President scattered entire squads like they were bowling pins. "Fall back!'' The cap wearing commanders shouted as the surviving soldiers dragged their wounded comrades away. As they retreated, Lincoln's ghost tipped his hat towards them before putting it back on. Turning around, he glared up at the windows of The White House, right at Bush and Issei. He began to walk forwards, only for the pairs attention to be diverted by an explosion across the yard.

Issei gaped as he beheld the form of Theodore Roosevelt.

Spectral and pale like the other dead Presidents, dressed like a general and wearing a cowboy hat, Teddy wielded a pair of Colt .44 Revolvers, which he used with no hesitation.

"GET OUT OF YOUR METAL BOXES AND FIGHT ME YOU COWARDS!'' Roosevelt screamed as he unloaded onto a tank brigade. His bullets tore through the armor, stripping the tanks armor away like a Sitri and blasting the turrets off. Some tanks exploded out right. Despite the damage being dealt, more tank's bravely rolled up to face the ghostly gunslinger. Missiles and bullets fired into the dead man, but they did no good. Some passed through him, other bullets simply deflected off his muscly frame. "RAGGHHHHHFFUCK" TR yelled as he ran up to a tank. Rearing back, he sent a tank flying into the sky with a vicious kick. As it landed and exploded, he grabbed another tank by it's barrel. He swung it like a hammer, bring it down upon another tank. As the explosion enveloped him, the remaining tanks also decided to retreat backwards.

"Air support's here guys!"

A helicopter swiveled over the White House. Missiles and bullets launched towards the gun slinging ghost, obscuring him in cloud of smoke. Less then ten seconds later, Roosevelt walked out of the cloud unscathed. He spat out a bullet. "NOT ENOUGH GUN SUMBITCH!" Turning his back to the copter, he suddenly screamed in rage as he pointed his guns at the ground. The recoil from his phantasmal bullets sent him flying into the sky, right at the helicopter.

"Shit! Evasive Action-"

Too late.

The dead missile slammed right into the chopper, blowing it up in a blast of beautiful orange flame. As he fell to the ground, Teddy aimed his guns and fired at the White House, his eyes seething with rage.

"Get down!" Issei yelled as the bullets blasted through the windows, shattering them. "Wah!" Bush screamed as Issei tackled him to the ground.

Suddenly, they heard the terrifying stomping of feet, and the sound of something breaking and falling down.

With a rip and a tear, the grinning spirit of Richard Nixon stomped into the Oval Office.

May Mil-tan have mercy on them, because Tricky Dicky sure as Hell wouldn't.

-To Be Continued?

Any feedback will be appreciated.

This is based on an actual game. Give it a chance, it's really fun: Pacman 3D The White House Edition | Pacman game


	2. Chapter 2: The Watergate Warrior!

**The Following Events occur in the same timeframe.**

XXX

As Ghost Lincoln headed towards the White House, two marines at the entrance made a last ditch effort to stop him. ''Fire away!" the commander yelled as the soldier next to him fired an M79 grenade launcher at Lincoln's direction. Without missing a beat, Lincoln grabbed the grenade out of the air and threw it right back. "Mother of God!" The soldiers rolled out of the way and fled as the blast destroyed the entrance doors to the White House.

Behind some pillars, nine secret service agents opened fire on Lincoln as he entered the building with their M1911's, while one soldier behind a desk fired away with an M60 Machine Gun. Unmoved by the rain of steel going through him, Lincoln took his hat off and threw it. It bounced off the ceiling before it collided with the head of the machine gunner. The man collapsed after the hat bounced off of his head with a loud thwack.

Like a boomerang, Lincoln's Hat ricocheted around the room. It smashed through several pillars, burying eight agents beneath the rubble. The last agent bravely ran forward, intending to fight to the end, only for a loud BANG to ring out. The man's head exploded like an overipe pumpkin.

Theodore Roosevelt walked forward as smoke emitted from his gun. He twirled it as the now headless agent's body fell to the red carpet on the ground. Lincoln's hat flew back to him, and he pulled it over his head as he glared at the Roosevelt. "I was hoping to avoid a large amount of deaths." the Emancipator angrily said. Roosevelt rolled his lifeless eyes. "What about those guys you just beat the holy hell out of?"

Lincoln stiffened. "...They will live." Roosevelt laughed darkly. "So brain damage and broken bones are perfectly fine?" Lincoln flipped Roosevelt off as they walked through the halls of the White House. Soon, they reached a large set of doors, which Roosevelt kicked open.

In the room, over 20 US Marines were stationed behind a makeshift barricade of chairs and desks. Various rifles and shotguns were pointed straight at the dead presidents. At the head of the barricade, Vice President Dick Cheney stood, dressed like a commander, his chest filled with medals. He wore a World War II style helmet with the words "Arab Eraser" written on it.

"FIRE NOW!" he commanded. Lincoln sighed while Roosevelt laughed as the bullets passed through their spectral forms and tore up the scenery behind them. "They never learn!" Roosevelt joyfully shouted as he pulled out his revolvers. He aimed and was about to pull the trigger. Suddenly, Cheney thrust his hand down like a guillotine. "FLAMETROOPERS ATTACK! KILL THE COMMUNIST DOPPLGANGERS!''

Lincoln raised an eyebrow. "Are you really pulling that card-" Suddenly, two flamethrower wielding troopers appeared, jumping out of panels in the ground on either side of the ghosts. They let loose as they sprayed jets of flame. They backed away, still spraying hellfire at the former Presidents. Soon, the President's were completely engulfed in flame. Cheney climbed onto a box and turned to the other soldiers, while he wore a victorious, smug grin on his face. "Now that our Antighost fuel has succeded in it's trial run, let's play some Wolfenstein 3D to celebrate-" Suddenly, his soldiers had horrified looks on their faces. "What the fuck is the problem now-OH SHIT!" He screamed in terror as he fell off of his box, onto the ground.

Roosevelt and Lincoln were still undead, and they were now on fucking fire. The now decapitated flametroopes lay at their feet. All Cheney did was make them more dangerous. They began to march forward, a frown on Lincoln's face and a smile on Roosevelt's.

Lincoln pulled a machete out of his hat, while Roosevelt simply pulled a saber out of a sheath on his side. "Fuckfuckfuckfuck." Cheney cursed as he pushed his way past the panicking soldiers, who were desperately looking for a way out of the room. Unfortuantely, the only entrance was right behind the two ghosts.

Pushing a young private to the ground, Cheney tapped a series of knocks onto the wall. Suddenly, a part of the wall slid open, revealing a silver pole in the middle of a dark hole. "To the emergency pole!" Cheney yelled, and then he jumped onto and held on for dear life as he slid down. Before any of the soldiers could join him, the wall passage slid back into place. "NO! Cheney you asshole!" The soldiers screamed as they pounded onto the wall. But is was too late.

"Shall we?" Lincoln said as he ominously raised his machete into the air. "With pleasure." Roosevelt whispered as he did the same. "I love a good slaughter!"

In a sudden burst of speed the burning men ran forward and swung, sending large swathes of flame into the air. The soldiers cowered and screamed as the blades drew closer.

Limbs were severed.

Boiling blood coated the walls.

Two minutes later, the slaughter was over. But the killing was by no means done, not at all for what would be the long, cold night that lay ahead for Issei.

XXX

During the slaughter, Issei had his own problems. Nixon was walking forwards, his pale hands raised like a Boxer's. Issei spied another entrance at the side of the room. "Bush! Go there!" He pointed. Bush didn't need much prompting, and he promptly ran to the side. Nixon immediately began to head in his direction. "What the hell do you think your doing!" Issei yelled as he ran towards Nixon. "Boosted Gear!" He yelled, and the beautiful weapon shined into existence on his arm. Yelling, Issei punched Nixon with all his might.

A loud smacking noise was heard as Issei retracted his red covered hand, and he yelled in pain "Go-I mean GAH, that hurts!"

It was like he was a normal human trying to punch a statue!

Issei than immediately started to punch Nixon from different positions. He punched his head, his groin, his kneecaps, everywhere!

The whole time, the dead President just stood there and took it with a grin.

"My turn!" He sadistically growled. On his left fist, the words "Tough" were spelled out by letter on each finger. On his right hand, the words "Lover" were once again spelled out by finger on the hand.

Issei was able to observe this when Nixon's fist came flying at his chest.

Issei screamed in terror and pain as he was sent flying through the doorway. "Little man!" Bush yelled in shock. "Keep running!" Issei shouted, and Bush once again did so, but with hesitation this time. As Issei shakily got to his knees, spitting up blood, Nixon walked forwards. "I can't believe I'm getting my ass beaten by an American President!" Issei thought, but then he remembered all the other things in life he never expected, like becoming a minion of Satan's little sister, for example.

"Alright big guy,'' Issei grunted as he pointed Boosted Gear at Nixon. "Eat this!" The Oppai Hero said as he launched a blast of green energy at Nixon. The Ghost was enveloped in smoke.

Issei was not surprised, but dismayed nonetheless when Nixon walked out of the smoke, still unscathed. "Oh what the fuck, how are you so damn strong!"

"You can ask your master when I send you to Hell, Pawn!" Nixon taunted. Issei's eyes widened. "He knows about devils? Shit, that makes just as much sense as him being a ghost!" He shouted aloud. Issei than did what he felt was best.

He turned and ran.

XXX

 **NOW**

Through the hall's, Issei desperately ran for his life. Nixon's loud stomping made it sound like he was everywhere at once, even though Issei knew that he had gotten a head of the spectral head of state, he knew that it wouldn't be long now. Suddenly, he ran into someone. Issei nearly had heart attack when he saw the business suit the man was wearing, having mistaken him for Nixon.

Fortunately it turned out to just be Bush. As they both dusted themselves off and stood up, Bush spoke. "Hey kid, what's your name?" Issei knew that they didn't have much time. "It's Issei Hyoudou, okay! What's your plan, your the President after all!" Bush blinked, clearly having not considered it. "Uh, there's a bunch of secret catacombs beneath the White House. My Dad's letter said that I had to get there and unlock a wooden door if I wanted to find a way to stop the Ghost's. There was another page, but I think I dropped it when I was running away. I think it was about what the secret behind the door was, so we'll find out when we get there."

Issei blinked and reared back, aghast. "How in the hell did you get elected!" Before he could continue, he felt his spine freeze up as a familiar loud stomp turned up again. In the corridor behind them, Ghost Nixon walked out from behind. He walked towards them with a smile, his feet leaving cracks in the ground. "Shit!" Issei yelled as he and Bush ran in the opposite opposite direction.

The scent of fire entered Issei's nose.

Abraham Lincoln turned round the corner, still on fire. He raised his machete in the air like a political Jason Voorhees.

Issei and Bush walked backwards, screaming their heads off. As Abraham Lincoln's fiery body walked towards them, so did Richard Nixon who was still grinning like a fool. Surrounded from both directions, with Bush looking ready to piss himself, Issei thought over his options.

XXX

"They can both survive my attacks, and...I could collapse the ground beneath them, but at the same time I probably only have enough energy for one more shot. So who do I shoot...Wait a minute, collapse the ground! That's it! We need to reach the catacombs! Here goes nothing!"

XXX

"Bush!" Issei shouted, grabbing onto the man's shoulder with his unarmored hand. "Wu-what!" the President stammered. "Hold on tight!" Issei pointed the Boosted Gear towards the red carpet beneath them. "Here goes nothing!' Issei said as he began to build up power. At the same time, Nixon and Lincoln were both less than five feet away respectively.

Before Issei fired, he decided that he should name his attacks like a proper badass.

 **DRAGON SHOT!**


	3. Chapter 3: Into Darkness!

From the Boosted Gear, a powerful burst of demonic energy tore out, tunneling and melting it's way through the floors of the White House.

Issei's eyes widened when he realized that he had made a critical error.

He was standing on the floor on the spot where he blasted it.

Issei and Bush screamed as they fell down the hole.

XXX

Still on fire, Lincoln peered down the hole. He looked up at Nixon, and he shrugged. Nixon just laughed, and in a booming voice said, " _We'll take the stairs. They can't have gotten far."_ Nodding, Lincoln and Nixon headed prepared to head down the stairs. Before they could reach the staircase, fifteen secret service agents jumped down from the ceiling. Lincoln marched forwards, blade raised-

And Nixon shoved him out of a nearby window, ripping up the glass.

Lincoln fell to the ground below, creating a crater. He shook the dust off himself as he angrily glared up at Nixon, who smirked from his vantage point at the shattered window. _"You and Teddy have been having way too much fun. Now it's my turn!"_ Nixon turned back, just in time for a secret service agent to shove a shotgun into his mouth.

 **CRNNCH!**

Nixon bit onto the shotgun, splitting it in two and spraying gunpowder everywhere. As the agent attempt to run, Nixon grabbed the man and punched his head clean off. It hit an agent wielding a machine gun, causing him to fall to the floor. In his panicked fall, he accidently pulled the trigger.

With a sickening burst of blood and bone, the machine gun blasted through all the other agents. Walking through the gore, Nixon laughed cruelly as he grabbed the terrified man. "No!'' The man yelled in horror as Nixon lifted him up. Nixon grabbed onto his hair with one hand, and with another he grabbed the agents lower jaw.

Smiling like a Slasher, Nixon pulled his hands in separate directions.

It was one hell of a mess.

XXX

Issei grunted he finally fell on the bottom floor of the White House. If he wasn't a devil, he would be dead already.

A scream soared toward him as Bush finally landed, right on top of Issei.

 _"If I survive this, I should get a medal! I nearly got killed by a President!"_ Issei thought.

On top of him, Bush rolled off with a groan of his own. As they both got up, Bush cracked his own spine back into place. "Awfully nice of you to break my landing" he mumbled. Issei just huffed. Now was not the time for grudges.

"So, you had a plan?" Issei inquired as he felt a sense of drowsiness fall upon him. With the energy he had used, it would be a while before he could use Dragon Shot again. Bush pulled out a map. "Yeah, uh, this was given to me. Apparently all Presidents are given this map. My dad said to use it "When the time was right", and I personably think that now is better than ever!" Bush politicked.

"Alright, I know where the secret entrance is-" As Bush pointed at the map, they both heard a loud crashing noise.

Something was burning. "Crap! Run!" Issei shouted as he and Bush ran. "Okay then, we just need to reach the men's restroom!" Bush shouted as they began the combat operation. They turned around a white corridor.

Issei became pale and Bush looked ready to hurl when he and Issei found a hallway soaked with blood. These men had been shot, a few had been stabbed, and one unlucky bastard had been impaled on a chandelier.

"Oh God, Teddy Roosevelt's here!" Bush panted. Issei turned a red finger to him with a shushing gesture. "Keep your head down, move slowly."

Shakily, Issei and Bush bent down. They slowly moved forward, listening for any hints of the undead gunslinger.

Suddenly, Bush tripped on a puddle of blood. With a yelp of fear, he back flipped and fell on his ass.

That's what saved him when his head fell out of the range of Theodore Roosevelt revolver when it fired.

Issei reflexively turned back-

and wished he hadn't. TR was on fire as he calmly placed his revolver back in it's holster. A trail of flame was behind him, and it slowly rose up like a flood. He raised his saber into air. "I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS! DEATH BY SABER YOU SHALL GET! NO MORE BRASS, I SHALL KILL YOU UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL!" As Roosevelt walked forward slowly, Issei grabbed Bush and held him bridal style. As he ran, Bush finally looked up, completely bewildered. "What-"

"Shut up!" Issei said, desperate. "I'm a devil, I can run faster. You concentrate on the map and tell me where to go, you'll be able to read it without distraction!"

Bush looked at the map as Issei ran, and TR seemed to be just one step behind them despite his walking pace. He ran through the halls, avoiding obstacles like dead bodies and debris. This went on for three minutes of pulse pounding terror. Bush pointed around the corner. "All right go there-" Issei turned the corner and saw a most wondrous sight.

He never knew that he could appreciate a restroom so much. Bush suddenly blinked. "Oh wait, it's at the-

XXX

TR had finally reached the restroom too. He walked forwards and went inside. Seeing that all the stalls were closed he smirked. He pulled his saber back and thrust it into a stall door. When he heard no screams of pain, he did it to the next one. Then the one after that. He finally got his scream at the last stall.

XXX

"So it was actually the girls restroom, but you said it was the men's out loud to trick him. Nice!" Issei never though that he would be complimenting a US President, never mind Dubya. Bush just shrugged. "Apparently, a past President had this as advice. Makes me wonder if this happened before-"

"Just put the code in!" Issei hissed under his breath. He was getting uneasy. Bush nodded and went up to the wall at the end. "I just need to tap like this." Going up to a random tile, he tapped it eleven times. On another, he tapped it four times. On the last, he pulled out a pen and wrote "1989".

"Interesting code." Issei thought. His eyes widened as the wall began to slide back. "Secret passages-what is this, a movie? Is Obama gonna jump out and hit me over the head with a pimp cane?" He said. Bush frowned. "Obama? Who's that?"

Before Issei could retort, he and George froze in place at the agonized yell they heard.

XXX

"YOUR NOT HIM!" TR snarled, baffled. He had stabbed a bald business man, who fell to the ground in agony. "I found a financial solution to-'' Enraged, TR stomped the man's head off before he finished speaking. TR stepped back "Where-" He heard the sound of something grating across the ground and opening up.

"YOUR NOT GETTING AWAY!''

XXX

"Crap! He knows!" Issei shouted, alarmed. The wall before them opened up, yet they heard TR stomping behind them.

The wall finally opened fully, revealing a dark, seemingly bottomless pit. "Should we jump?" Bush said nervously. "Anything better than that cowboy!" He whispered as he and Bush held in their breath. They heard someone stomping around outside.

Without warning, TR burst through a wall by the door, fire on his coat and ice in his eyes. Issei and Bush's eyes widened when they heard the fake wall begin to close behind them. "Fuck it!" Issei roared as he grabbed Bush and tackled him into the dark shaft, and TR's eyes widened. "NO!" he furiously shouted as he threw his sword. The wall closed just in time for Issei to see the sword stab right through it, and the blade sunk fully into the stone. It was an inch away from Issei's left eye. Relief flooded through him when he realized that he and Bush were safe for now. Then they realized something critical.

They were in a pit. As in, a dark pit with no solid ground above it.

Issei and Bush looked at each other with identical looks of dread.

"...I'd rather be on the ground in Iraq!"

"I'd rather look at Buchou's hot rack!"

And then, they were plummeting through darkness.

Screaming nonstop the whole time.

Little did they know, the worst was yet to come.


	4. Chapter 4: Ronny Gets His Gun!

Issei and Bush screamed in terror as they fell through the seemingly bottomless black pit.

 _"Wait-I'm a Devil!"_ Issei thought.

Black Wings sprouted from Issei's back as he grabbed Bush. His wing's arrested his descent, just in time for them to softly touch down on solid black ground. It was dark as Issei set Bush down. "You okay?" he asked as Bush stumbled around in the darkness. "I-Ah'm fine-" There was a terrible retching noise, and Issei soon realized that Bush had puked onto the floor.

"That's fuckin nasty-" Issei said in disgust as he stumbled backwards. Leaning up against a wall, he yelled out in surprise when he felt it collapse behind him. As he fell on his ass, Bush ran forwards, delighted. "All right, you managed to open up the secret passage! Saved me the trouble of figuring it out!" As Issei got up, he looked into the passage he had inadvertently opened. He gaped in surprise at the Hallway he saw. The wall's and ceiling were blue, and the floor was red. "Damn, we must be miles under the White House!" Issei shouted in alarm.

He and Bush cautiously turned a corner, finding-

"Pretzels?" Bush said in astonishment. "Those weren't mentioned in the book!"

Sure enough, a trail of pretzels was on the ground. Seeing no other option, Issei and Bush followed the trail. Issei paused.

"Wait, I remember hearing that Pretzels were George Washington's favorite snack! Maybe this trail will lead us to whatever it is we're supposed to find!"

"What if he's a ghost too?" Bush cautioned. Issei just shrugged. "Better than nothing!" Walking through the maze, Issei noticed several names on the nearby walls.

 **John Fitzgerald Kennedy**

 **Dwight David Eisenhower**

 **James Abram Garfield**

"No way!" He said, drawing back. "Are all the dead American Presidents secretly buried here?" Bush through his hands into the air. "If it is, they never brought it up in my briefing! Cheney, you bastard!" Bush yelled as he thrust his hands up into the air.

While he did that, Issei found one wall that looked like it had been ripped open from the inside.

 **Abraham Lincoln**

Issei grimaced. "Look's why these ghosts are the real deal after all.

Suddenly, they heard a stomping sound from behind them.

In the pit.

Then an angry roar.

"PAWN!" Theodore Roosevelt yelled, seething with anger.

Two other slamming noises heralded the arrival of the now spectral Lincoln and Nixon.

XXX

"Shit! Run!" Issei yelled as he and Bush ran for it. They followed the pretzel trail, running across hallways for what seemed like hours. They turned repeatedly, never knowing if they would see a ghost or not. Issei immediately turned a corner and found himself face to face with the ghostly Lincoln.

The ghost jumped in the air and did a somersault as he went into a flying kick. Issei and Bush immediately jumped out of the way left and right respectively as Lincoln missed and slammed into a wall.

While Lincoln pulled himself out, Issei took the chance to run as fast as he could.

After running through multiple curve in the maze, Issei took a moment to breath. "Damn, can't believe we made it-" Issei said, only to realize that Bush was not with him. They had been separated in their panic. Nevertheless, Issei ran some more, only to see Lincoln walking towards him from the end of the hallway.

"Nopenopenope!" Issei ran through a corridor on his left for several minutes. Eventually, he reached a door. It was wooden, and had the words "DANGER" written on it. "Like I'm gonna fall for that.."

"Issei!"

"Bus-Mr. President!" Issei yelled as Bush, his eyes wide with panic, ran towards him. "It's been half an hour since we got separated-"

"No! Run!" Bush somehow mustered the strength to push the demonic boy forwards. "Wait, the door is clearly a trap!"

Suddenly, Nixon turned around the corner with a giant chainsaw in his hands. "If the President eats people-" The chainsaw came to life with a roar.

"It's not a crime!"

"Fuckkkkkkk! Cursed door it is!" Issei shouted as kicked it open-

Only to find a waterfall leading downwards. "Woah!" He said as he leaned back, nearly slipping. "Outta my way!'' Bush yelled as he pushed into Issei.

"Not so fastOHSHIT!" He yelled as they both fell forwards. As they fell, Nixon's chainsaw lashed out and severed cut the back of Bush's pant's, exposing his underwear.

They fell down the waterfall, water rushing at them and forcing the men down while Nixon watched and laughed from above.

"Third time this day, what the actual fuck!" Suddenly, they were completely submerged in rushing water. Now, they could only hold their breaths as the current dragged them downwards.

XXX

 **In the Past: 1982**

 _"I have you now."_

 _Two men stood on opposite sides of the cavern. One man wore a business suit and tie, and he looked dishelved but determined. He had a Thompson SMG slug over his shoulder, and five clips on a bandolier over his chest._

 _This was Ronald Reagan, 40th President of the United States._

 _On the other side was a white haired, pale man who seemed to shimmer in the darkness. He had an angry glare in his yellow eyes, and his black, rotting cloak thinly hung to his decaying body._

 _This zombie was Andrew Jackson, 7th President of the United States._

 _Jackson sneered at Reagan. "Fool, your resistance is futile. You and that little girl have no hopes of stopping us." He confidently walked forwards._

 _Reagan stood his ground. "I see four ways to end you." Jackson laughed, his voice sounding like it was scraping off of the walls. "Idiot, you have to much faith in the devil."_

 _Reagan grabbed something in his pocket._

 _Pressing down, he detonated the C4 he had placed on the ceiling above Jackson._

 _As the stone rained down on Jackson and buried him, Reagan saluted the dead man. "Consider this practice for the Berlin Wall!" He immediately turned and ran down a nearby corridor._

 _Punching through the stone, Jackson pulled himself out. He had never been this angry since the cowardly assassination attempt on his life in 1835._

 _His men had to pull him away to stop him from beating the assassin to death._

 _"I'm going to scalp that bastard alive." He spat, seething with rage._


	5. Chapter 5: Double Tap!

Issei and Bush yelled out as they were forced through the tunnels by the onrushing flood of water. They banged off of walls before only getting one or two chances to break the surface and felt like half an hour passed they came to a stop over a hole in the tunnels.

Yelling out in fear, they fell from the hole to the ground below. Issei and Bush coughed as they shakily got to their knee's. They were both soaking wet, tired, and miserable from this nonstop horror. Walking through the dark cavern, they soon spotted a new bright hallway. Breaking out into a smile, Issei ran forwards and found a familiar Pretzel trail. Bush followed along before realizing something.

"I'm in my underwear! The bastards took my pants!" Bush moaned as he skipped forwards. "Forget it!" Issei shouted as they walked through the halls underneath the White House. "Look, it's gonna be hours before the ghosts will reach this far down. We just have to follow the damn trail-"

The roar of a chainsaw shook their eardrums.

Then, they heard running feet and psychotic laughter.

"Impossibull!" Bush bushismed!

He and Issei immediately began to run for their lives as the chase began anew.

XXX

Issei and Bush turned into a massive corridor.

Richard Nixon stood at the end, his hands held to his sides with his thumbs up. "HEHEHEHE"

"OH HELL NO!" Bush and Issei yelled as they ran in sheer terror.

XXX

Issei looked around frantically. He was in a cooridor with Lincoln and Nixon running at him from separate ends, trapping him.

Lincoln launched himself into a flying kick, while Nixon let a punch loose at the same time. Issei leaped out of the way.

Immediately, he let out a smirk when he heard a thunderous crash coming from behind him.

As Nixon and Lincoln cursed and tried to untangle themselves in the dust, Issei realized that the Ghost's could be harmed by each other.

XXX

Bush ran for his life as Roosevelt ran at him, screaming like a chimpanzee as his blade cut through the air. Suddenly, his blade came into contact with a blue torch on the wall.

Roosevelt yelled out in agony as lighting coursed through the torch into his sword to his body. Bush stared in awe, realizing the potential possibilities of the weakness. He turned and rushed through the next hallway as Roosevelt finally pulled his sword free.

XXX

"'Bout time!" Issei shouted as he and Bush nearly ran into each other. They both discussed their findings.

"So those lights on the walls can harm them?"

"So we can't hurt them, but they can hurt each other?"

At the same moment, they heard ghostly howl echoing and getting closer to them. "It's Abe!" Issei yelled as the Machete wielding zombie ran towards them spookily.

Immediately, the familiar game of cat and mouse began once more.

XXX

Hours, even days seemed to pass. Whatever this place was, time went by differently here. They had resorted to eating the pretzels on the ground to survive. By now, Bush had begun to grow a beard, and Issei's hair began to reach down to his shoulders. " _It'll be as long as Buchou's by the time I'm out"_ he thought. Over this seeming eternity, they had become very adept at evading the ghosts.

Suddenly, the trail of pretzels ended at a heavy looking steel door. "This is where it is!" Bush reported as he pointed at his map. Indeed, the steel door in front of them was the _location_ of the mysterious object that would supposedly save them from the ghosts. Bush pulled the door knob, but grunted in frustration when he found that it didn't open. "It's too heavy for a human to open-"

"But not for a Devil." Issei said, his eyes narrowing in understanding. Grabbing the knob, he summoned the Boosted Gear into existence on his arm. Pulling backwards, he wrenched the door open.

XXX

On a podium in the middle of a dark, circular room, a beautiful silver revolver covered in ornate markings hovered above a cushion in the middle of a room. Breaking out into a huge smile, Issei ran forwards. "Is this what being an American feels like!" He asked Bush. "I-I'm not sure, but I do feel energized and ready to kick ass all of a sudden!" Bush responded, feeling ready to break into a dance.

"All right, let's hunt those assholes down!" Breaking into runs, Issei and Bush ran out of the room. Ghostly howls and roars seemed to surrounded the air around them, but they were not afraid.

 **They had the greatest gun ever made!**

XXX

 **1982**

 _In the dark tunnels, Ronald Reagan fired away with his SMG. Walking through the hail of bullets, Andrew Jackson sneered as he grabbed the gun. Breaking it in two with one squeeze of his evil fist, he grabbed Reagan with his other hand._

 _Roaring, Jackson smashed Reagan into a nearby wall. Reagan groaned out in pain as he got up onto his knees. Jackson looked down at him as he sneered._

 _"You will die, Reagan, and we shall take over this dominion as ours!"_

 _Reagan just smirked as he looked up at Jackson. "I don't see any of your two friends, Kennedy and Adams. She's killed them, hasn't she?"_

 _"She has not found the weapon." Jackson defiantly stated. Reagan laughed. "...She already has the gun. Why do you think I would spend all this time distracting you?" Jackson's eyes widened. "Impossible!"_

 _"By now, she's probably shot the other two dead Presidents. I don't know how you guys came back or why, but this stops now."_

 _Grimacing angrily, Jackson drew his fist back as he prepared to decapitate Regan-_

 _Only for the specter to cry out as a shot rang through the maze. A blazing bullet tore through the spirit's back, sending him crashing to the floor. Blue mystic energy spilled from his oozing backside as he spasmed in agony. Limping over to the wounded ghost, Reagan pulled out an M1911 pistol. He casually aimed and shot Jackson in the leg. The ghost yelled out in pain and clutched at his leg._

 _"Looks like your not so immortal after all! The weapon weakend you."_

 _Soon, a figure walked out of the darkness near Reagan. She had long red hair, and she held out a smoking revolver, indicating that she was the one who fired it._

 _She pointed the revolver at his head before pointing it downards. "You are already weakend. No need to waist bullets." "Now...a parting gift."_

 _Destructive power built in her hands._

 _Jackson's revenant began to crawl away, not wanting to be beaten by a girl._

 _He didn't make it past five feet._


	6. Chapter 6: Muzzle Flash!

Issei and Bush carefully stalked down the hallways, making sure to listen carefully for the dead presidents. Issei held up the revolver, waiting for a ghost to appear. Suddenly, they heard the terrifying stomping impact of Richard Nixon's feet. Issei and Bush quickly thrust themselves against the wall.

"We'll find 'em!" Nixon laughed.

"They have become problems!" Lincoln hissed. They could hear his machete scraping across a wall.

"Gonna roast em like kebabs!" Roosevelt cawed, audibly twirling his pistol.

Taking a breath, Issei turned and aimed as he found all three ghosts walking down a hallway together. They blinked.

For three moments, there was silence.

Then, chaos.

Issei rasied his revolver and fired a shot. A bullet filled with pure AMERICAN POWAH lanced through Nixon's chest.

The Beast stopped in his tracks, confused and dazed as ethereal fluid leaked out from the massive hole in his torso. He fell over onto Roosevelt, pinning him down. Lincoln's eyes widended. "They have the weapon!" He turned to run, and Issei fired another bullet. It streaked through Lincoln's head, creating a hole. "Not again.." Lincoln moaned as he fell to the ground in a spray of blood.

On top of the struggling Roosevelt, Nixon twitched in confusion. "...Did I leave the hose on?"

"You'll need it to clean this up!'' Issei shouted before he blasted Nixon in the head, creating an explosion of purple ghost mist.

Grinning, he pointed at the still pinned Roosevelt and pulled the trigger.

 **CLICK**

Issei stared, gaping as the gun clicked empty. He had run out of bullets.

"What...but...the hell?" Bush yelled, confused and terrified by the following events. Issei paled. Someone must have used the other three bullets the last time this happened.

The corpses of Ghost Lincoln and Nixon began to dissolve, and Roosevelt laughed as he started to push Nixon's dissolving corpse off of himself.

"Shit! Run!"

Issei and Bush dashed down a corridor.

XXX

Not looking where they were going, they yelled out in terror when the ground opened beneath them. It was too unstable! Issei and Bush yelled in fright as they fell down a slide into a dark chamber. Shaking their heads, they got up.

They were greeted with absolute horror.

All around them were dirt covered skeletons, all of them wearing decayed fancy suits. "These must be the other dead presidents!'' Bush yelled in anguish.

 **"Correct!"** A dark voice growled. Issei and Nixon jumped as a light came on.

In the center, they're lay a ten foot tall skeleton. It wore a powdered wig and it held a musket in it's hands.

It was George Washington!

Zombie George kept speaking.

" **Damnable Fiends! They sell out to the British! You are fat and lazy! I will use my zombie President army to save the world by forcibly taking office control! First I must kill the oil drinker!"** Washington pointed a bony finger at Bush, who hid behind Issei, shaking in terror.

Suddenly, Issei had an idea. "It's not the bullets, it's the gun that has the power!" Opening the side of the gun, Issei gathered power in the Boosted Gear. All around them, the skeletons began to move forwards, and at the same time there was a huge thud as Roosevelt fell down the slide. He pulled out his own gun and began to walk towards them. "Faster!" Bush yelled.

Issei finally had a small ball of power. Grunting, he shoved the ball into the chamber like a bullet. Slamming it shut, he aimed it right at Washington, the source of the zombies. Roosevelt began to aim his own pistol.

Issei pulled the trigger.

Then...

 **BANG**

 **XXX**

 **Next Chapter will be the last one.**


	7. Chapter 7: Finale: X Marks the Spot

A bullet made of pure demonic power lanced threw the barrel of the revolver it slammed right into Zombie Washington, and the ghost howled as his torso exploded in a shower of mist. All of the skeletal undead presidents around them began to writhe and explode, presumably because Washington was the one who created them, and had his soul attached to them.

Suddenly, the caverns began to shake due to the explosions! As fire bloomed around them, Issei spread his wings and picked up Bush. He immediately flew towards the ceiling of the cavern with Bush in his arms as the rest of the ghosts blew up. A hole opened up as the cavern began to collapse, exposing the daylight outside.

On the ground, Roosevelt was now reduced to a torso, a head, and one arm. Looking up, he roared in anger as he melted away. Lifting a decayed arm, he flipped Issei off.

Roosevelt finally exploded with the rest of the ghosts. The cavern collapsed, burying itself under tons of stone.

The threat was finally over.

XX

Issei yelled out in pain as he and Bush were launched from the hole by a burst of flame. Getting up, they untangled themselves. "Huh, we lived...?" Issei said, amazed at how they had suffered no injuries.

Issei realized that they were now back on the White House Lawn.

Suddenly, a red light began to shine under Issei's feet. "Huh, looks like I'm going home."

"Wait!" George shouted as he fished something out of his pocket. It was a shiny gold medal. He tossed it at Issei who catched it.

Bush saluted Issei, who did the same. "See you around, give or take a few years!"

Then, Issei was gone. Bush sighed and began to walk to the White House. Dead bodies lay around the area, and tons of architecture had been destroyed. The cost to cover all of this up would be insane. Walking through the doors, he found Dick Cheney wandering around. "Did you know about the spirits?" Bush asked. "Yes, but-" Bush punched Cheney right in the face. As he fell down, Cheney clutched his bloody nose. "You are going to tell me everything Cheney, or so help me God you're going to Guantanamo Bay!" Leaving Cheney in pain, Bush walked up to a cupboard and sighed. He pulled it open and grabbed a bottle of wine.

 _"Only four more years."_ He thought. He then noticed a note on the wall behind where he grabbed the bottle.

It read "The Phone Number of my buddy Sirzechs-570-666-6666

Signed by Ronald Reagan."

"Maybe I should call this..."

With that, the seeds of what would become DxD were planted.

XXX

"-And that's what happened." Issei said as he sat on a couch with Rias. "Let me guess. You beat them with a magical Six-Shot?" she laughed. Issei's jaw dropped. Rias continued. "Secret maze's underneath the White House? Teaming up with a US President? It happened to me too. I was twelve years old when a glitched summoning contract sent me back to the eighties, where I teamed up with Ronald Reagan. But that is a story for another day."

"Will I have to worry about any more glitched contracts, Buchou?"

"No, that's a one in a million chance. Besides, I sent all of mine back home to be checked after you disappeared. They'll be checked thoroughly."

"Say, Bush gave me this medal. What is it anyway?'' Issei held out the golden medal. Rias eyes widened. "Issei...That's the Medal of Honor! I got a similar one from-" Suddenly, a window exploded in front of them, and a glowing portal was generated. Out dropped Hugh Jackman, George Bush, and a man wearing silver armor.

Suddenly, silver claws began to grow out from the spaces between Hugh's fingers. He was actually Wolverine!

"Hey, how's it going?" Bush said, holding up a sword. "I became a Highlander in the meantime! We have to go to the year 3010 to fight the evil Robot King in order to save the Human race from his Super Goat army!"

The armored man took his helmet off, revealing himself to be Ronald Reagan. Amazingly, he looked to be the spirited man he once was when he was President. White wings opened and spread behind his back. "The Angels brought me back as a warrior, but we can still be friends? How's it going R?"

Rias grinned as she and Reagan fist bumped. "Nice to see you again Pal. Hey look, Issei brought the gun back!" Sure enough, Issei had the magical MURICA gun. "We have bullets back at the X-Mansion." Wolverine gruffly reported.

Issei shook his head. "I'm too tired, maybe tomorrow."

"You can touch my boobs." Rias said as though she was ordering pizza. "Let's save the World!" Issei dramatically shouted.

Then, without hesitation, they all leaped into the magical doorway! Then, it vanished,

A young girl with long blonde hair meekly walked in.

"...Issei?" Asia Argento meekly asked.

She was surprised when a young lady with glasses and Black hair stepped up next to her.

"Not this shit again." Sona said as she prepared to introduce her face to a nearby wall.

XXX

 **Epilogue**

 **1949**

Wind and ice billowed through the snow torn room. A man dressed in heavy white winter gear stood in the middle of the room, using an upturned table as cover. He held a DS-39 Machine Gun in his big Russian arms, and a bitchin mustache peeked out from underneath his googles.

This was Josef Stalin, leader of the Soviet Union.

Behind, a young eight year old girl with sat near a bot with winter gear of her own. She was currently very carefully generating water with her powers, dropping it into the heated pot while tossing in random book pages.

This was Sona Sitri, the youngest Heir of the Sitri family. After succumbing to her own glitched contract, she was now helping Stalin with a ghost problem of his own. She was currently focusing on making a special type of water that combined Holy and Demonic water. She had to be very careful with the process, lest she accidently immolate herself and everything within a three mile radius.

Suddenly, she and Stalin heard thudding footsteps and somethings dragging upon the ground. "He's coming!"

"I'll hold him off, comrade." Stalin lifted the gun up and approached the door. Suddenly, it exploded as something stepped in.

This ghost resembled a frozen, decayed corpse. It had a white beard and it wore round glasses. In it's hands, it wieleded a massive pickaxe covered in icicles.

 **"Stalin!''** The ghost said, lifting it's weapon up. "Trotsky." Stalin responded, eyes narrowing as he aimed down the sights.

Suddenly, Trotsky charged forwards as Stalin pulled the trigger. Glorious Russian lead tore through the ice.

- **END**


	8. Chapter 8: NWA

Issei punched a Nazi ISIS clone's torso off with his fist, while Rias sniped five Hitler clones with devilish red power.

Reagan spewed holy flame from his mouth, burning a dragon communists face off. Wolverine laughed as he kicked in Donald Trump's reptillain heart. "I is dead!" Trump yelled before he exploded into smoke.

At his feet lay a key. Bush took it, alongside Kiba. They jumped down into a trapdoor and unlocked it.

Issei and the others stood upstairs and fought off the waves of purple men from the Fourth Dimension while the two investigated.

Soon, Kiba and Bush were in a dark dungeon after going down five hundred staircases. They looked around nervously, the dark too black for Kiba's devilish vision.

Suddenly they heard a click as someone pulled a switch. The lights turned on, disorienting them!

Kiba and Bush instinctively jumped to the side when they heard the clicking of triggers.

Taking shelter behind crates, they realized that they were in the middle of a warehouse. On the other side, four African American dudes in chainmail with baseball caps fired at them with Uzi's.

"Hey, I know those dudes! They wrote Fuck Tha Police!" Bush yelled, deflecting a bullet with his sword.

"Fuck the Police!" Dr. Dre screamed as he lit a gasoline trail, engulfing the arena in flame!

Kiba quickly sliced a hole through the wall into another warehouse, and Bush followed him.

They barely dodged the bucket of water being dropped from above!

Kiba and Bush got into a fighting stance, swords raised, as the attacker jumped from a the top of a nearby shipping container.

The enemy had a big purple turban, and he must have been the size of fully grown Tyrannosaurus Rex.

With his dual yellow Sledgehammers and his massive muscley chest, this man could only be Alan Moore, the greatest comic book writer in the eighties!

The boss fight had begun!

Suddenly, they were interrupted when a chimpanzee jumped from the roof onto a nearby pile of TNT. Kiba could see that the explosive trail lead into a tunnel that winded throughout the entire mountain!

''If you do not give me your manga, I will detonate-Too late!" The monkey laughed as he pressed the trigger.

Then, the world was on fire.

-END?


End file.
